10 - TV dinner without actual dinner equals just TV.

9 - Regardless of topping, little nutrition in clothes-dryer lint.

8 - Science Diet dog food "brown dots" virtually indistinguishable from cocoa puffs.

7 - Mom's lemon chicken became mom's lemon pledge chicken.

6 - Learned to survive 3 to 5 days licking only envelope glue.

5 - No longer cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Now just oddly attracted to them.

4 - Imposible to follow Atkins Diet on only bottled water and stockpiled y2k provisions.

3 - Cat litter, if necessary, can be substituted for Shake 'n Bake.

2 - Left us longing for the good old days of free government cheese.

1 - New weight loss plan: drive all the way to Illinois to avoid crossing picket lines. Pay for gas. No money left to buy food.